Scoff if you will at the hoary, dubious, yet neverending generalization about celebrities dying in threes, but the past few weeks have offered an alarming series of back-to-back demise trifectas. If you overlooked the fine print in your local newspaper or your mom’s favorite tabloids, you may have missed a few recent passings of people who were celebrities to someone out there:

* Comedian Fred Travalena passed away June 28th at age 66 after a long battle with cancer and several appearances on the 1980s version of Hollywood Squares.

* Legendary (read: “ooooold, old-time”) actress Gale Storm passed away June 27th at age 87 from natural causes. This reporter had never heard of her prior to her death, but sources insist she qualified as a celebrity.

* Comedic actress Mollie Sugden, costar of the interminable Britcom Are You Being Served? and other shows available only to PBS junkies here in the States, passed away July 1st at age 86 from a common medical condition known only as Long Illness.

Besting everyone this side of Bob Hope and George Burns is Academy Award winner Karl Malden, who once held his own on the silver screen against the formidable Marlon Brando in both On the Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire, then redirected his talents into television with a varied resumé, the apex of which was five seasons of the crime drama Streets of San Francisco alongside Kirk Douglas’ little boy. Malden passed away July 1st at the same age as Brad Renfro, Sid Vicious, Ritchie Valens, Heather O’Rourke, and Pedro Zamora combined.

Celebrate the life of the greatest American Express spokesman of all time in our Movies forum today! Our more macabre and tasteless readers may wish to check out the current standings in our annual Dead Pool thread, where several members are losing out on a wealth of 2009 points due to genetic illiteracy.

| Tags: are you being served?, celebrity death scorecard, fred travalena, gale storm, karl malden, long illness, mollie sugden, on the waterfront, the american express card

The Nightly.net staff regrets to inform the general membership and random passersby that an unexpected bout with unfunny webhosting slapstick has resulted in the loss of hundreds of posts of varying size and content. Due to thoughtless inactions beyond the control of anyone who actually posts here — from site owner Jedi Apprentice himself on down to our newest banned spammer — all member contributions submitted to our site between the middle of June 25th and this reporter’s dinnertime on June 30th were instantly vaporized.

Nightly.net deeply regrets this heartbreaking situation and extends sincere though possibly futile apologies to ShadowDog, Tank, Thomas Alan, monkeygirl, this reporter’s wife, the Arena guys, and any other members or lurkers who experienced great aesthetic loss during this unscheduled five-day time warp. Please be assured that Mr. Apprentice is even more incensed than many of you are, and is already taking logical steps to prevent future surprise wipeouts.

For your convenience, the amazing colossal ShadowDog has provided this thorough summary of the original event timeline of our last five days. Eyewitnesses are cheerfully invited to add their two cents, correct any oversights, reveal any dramatic changes in their personal timeline resulting from this snafu, or just reply with a few precious widdle angry-face smileys.

| Tags: mass post deletion, Nightly.net, sincere apologies, webhosting error, what's a backup

CNN.com and numerous other sources confirm that Bernard Madoff, an early candidate for Greatest Con Artist of the 21st Century, was sentenced today to 150 years in prison — more than ten times his remaining life expectancy — by a federal judge who rubbed salt in the wound by labeling Madoff’s actions “extraordinarily evil” just in case Madoff had any concerns about being coddled.

For his part, Madoff faced the courtroom and apologized for skillfully stealing billions of dollars from other upper-class billionaires, money that could have been spent feeding entire impoverished planets, making an interest payment on the American federal deficit, or financing even larger explosions in the next Transformers sequel.

According to The Bloomberg Report, his final resting place remains under deliberation as of this writing, although the severity of his sentence may disqualify him from the comfiest minimum-security resorts.

Relive past Madoff discussions and join in the righteously indignant celebration in our Politics forum today! As with every Politics thread, it’s strictly BYOB, all guns are to remain holstered while inside the thread, and anyone blaming Madoff’s crimes on either Obama or Bush will be sorely pitied.

| Tags: 150 years, bernard madoff, billions and billions, con artist, sentencing, transformers explosions

You thought we were kidding about the whole “scorecard” thing. Everyone made their cracks about celebs dying in threes as if the Grim Reaper were a devout numerologist, or as if he never learned to count past three at Grim Reaper Elementary. Everyone assumed the killspree was over.

But wait. There’s more.

Infomercial emperor Billy Mays, purveyor of such life-changing inventions as OxiClean, Orange Glo, Mighty Putty, the Samurai Shark, and Kaboom (neither the cereal nor the Atari game), was pronounced dead Sunday morning in Tampa. Early unfounded speculation centers around a rough airplane landing the night before, which may or may not have facilitated a delayed traumatic reaction due to luggage concussion, vibratory disorder, or gremlin vengeance. Mainstream media have mentioned in passing — without pondering the significance — that Mays was 50…the exact same age as fellow victim Michael Jackson.

Is it all coincidence? Or something more? Or, more likely, something less? To be on the safe side, the Nightly.net staff sends its prayers and thoughts toward future potential victims including Susan Powter, Lou Diamond Phillips, and the chunky guy from Smash Mouth. Until the next incident, concoct your conspiracy theories, deliver your personal eulogies, and share your product testimonials with other members today!

(Update 7/1/2009: Unfortunately the original tribute threads have been deleted due to gross incompetence. Nightly continues to celebrate his life anyway, but really wishes Mays could offer us a problem to elinimate headaches like this.)

(Special thanks to this reporter’s son, whose encyclopedic knowledge of Mays’ resumé is frightening, if not downright suspicious…)

| Tags: billy mays, celebrity death scorecard, grim reaper, samurai shark, smash mouth guy

Cineastes have already spent the week debating the merits of the recent decision by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to widen the Best Picture category from five nominees to ten. If you somehow missed out on that regression to 1930s populism, check out our Movies forum discussion for general venting purposes.

The Academy hasn’t stopped there. Entertainment Weekly now reports additional changes are in store, albeit far less expansive. Announced so far:

* The prestigious “noncompetitive” Oscars will no longer be televised. Just as they do each year with the sci/tech awards for oustanding acheivement in the field of obscure equipment upgrades, future winners of the Irving Thalberg Award, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, and the random Honorary Oscar for Decades of Academy Oversight will now be doled out in a months-in-advance dinner presentation far from indifferent TV viewers.

* The nomination process for Best Original Song has had its standards raised, based on a rating system applicable to all potential nominees; if none of the wannabes rates better than extra-mediocre, the Best Original Song award will be belayed altogether that year. If at least one song rules, then the category will go on with three to five nominees, even if all but one are baseline mediocre.

Presumably the Academy is dogged by the necessary evil of TV-viewer relevance, while at the same time attempting to forestall a six-hour telecast. Are these two areas the best fat to trim from the annual itinerary? Is this too much change all at once? Should we applaud the Academy’s ongoing attempts at real quality control? Wouldn’t it be simpler and more time-effective to eliminate the nomination process and just hand the Best Picture trophy to the year’s highest-grossing blockbuster machine? Share your thoughts and superior ideas in our Movies forum today!

| Tags: Academy Awards, best original song, best picture, honorary oscar, irving thalberg award, jean hersholt humanitarian award, please abolish the annual ampas president speech

Nightly.net’s Doze brings us the official press release from starwars.com:

The Official Star Wars Site has announced that Lucasfilm Ltd. and G4 are joining forces for a milestone in San Diego Comic-Con International’s 40-year history — the first-ever, exclusive television broadcast of a presentation from the massive pop culture convention. The Star Wars Spectacular! will air Saturday July 25th at 2:00pm ET/PT only on G4, and will feature never-before-seen footage, breaking news, surprise announcements, guest stars and more. In addition, G4 will present three hours of live coverage from the Comic-Con floor, beginning at 4:00pm ET/PT.

Read the full release in our flagship Star Wars forum, ask your local cable or satellite company about signing up for G4, or scour eBay for San Diego tickets! (Good luck with that last one. As of Saturday night the first eBay search result for “san diego comic con 4-day pass” was up to $306.00 with 31 bids and 51 minutes remaining.)

| Tags: g4, george lucas, jar-jar binks, lucasfilm, olivia munn, san diego, Star Wars

Anyone who owns a TV, radio, or Internet access gadget is well aware that the Grim Reaper has busied himself with a frightening zeal this month in the entertainment world. The Nightly community has hardly remained mum on the subjects — to weigh in with your remembrances, tributes, and tasteless puns, be sure to check out the following threads:

* Farrah Fawcett, costar of Logan’s Run and The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars, June 25th at age 62, horrid form of cancer: share thoughts here and/or here.

* Michael Jackson, brother of Motown legend Jermaine Jackson, June 25th at age 50, cardiac arrest as a result of TBA: share thoughts here or here, if you dare.

* Ed McMahon, cohost of the long-running TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes, June 23rd at age 86, bone cancer: share thoughts here or here.

* David Carradine, second-generation patriarch of the Carradine acting dynasty, June 3rd at age 72, either suicide or pleasure gone awry depending on whom you ask: share thoughts just here.

Overlooked by most of the world, also bowing out this month was Bob Bogle, legendary surf-rock guitarist for the Ventures, whose Christmas album remains a beloved annual staple for this reporter. CNN.com reports Bogle passed away June 14th at age 75 due to non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Check out our Music forum and be the first to start a Bob Bogle tribute thread! Or you can bring news of other late celebs we’ve overlooked from earlier in June! Here’s hoping the next four days pass without further famous incidents.

| Tags: anal cancer, bob bogle, brave little toaster, david carradine, ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, grim reaper, michael jackson, motown, ventures

Your Nightly.net staff would like to announce that the time has regrettably arrived to move past Star Trek and Up, and on to the next summer action blockbuster theatrical extravaganza spectacular. Michael Bay’s latest film for the deaf has opened in theaters worldwide — hours ago overseas, and gradually via midnight showings here in the U.S. (This reporter has access to such a showing fifteen minutes from home, but is unable to attend due to gainful daytime employment.)

After you and the rest of your native country have completed the mandatory viewing experience, be sure to share your survival story in our Movies forum and compare notes with members who hated it more than you did. For extra credit, read the Entertainment Weekly review first, then write a 100-page essay justifying why longtime critic Owen Gleiberman gave it a B and compared it favorably to 1950s monster films. Remember: coherence counts. (Same goes double for YOU, Mr. Bay.)

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| 7162Commentshttp://www.nightly.net/movies/movie-review-star-trek/Movie+Review%3A+Star+Trek2009-05-08+17%3A26%3A02Daniel Tags:

Duke Nukem Forever: Vaporware Forever

Vaporware is that elusive item, usually software hence the name, that has been announced, hyped up, and then never reaches the market. Sometimes, it is a product that is just obsolete at the time it reaches the market. Many of you have known at least one Vaporware product. I am here to to announce the end of the most historical piece of Vaporware ever: Duke Nukem Forever. Today, it was announced that Duke Nukem Forever developer 3D Realms has shut down. When their webmaster, Joe Siegler, was questioned about it, he only responded with, “It’s not a marketing thing. It’s true. I have nothing further to say at this time.” Almost as if he was unaware the shut down was known before it happened. The publisher, Take-Two, even confirmed that they have stopped funding for the 3D Realms project.

This is just terrible news for those die hard Duke Nukem fans out there, hoping that one day this game would hit the market. With the short teaser released in 2007 raising the hopes that this game would finally come out of the Vaporware tag status, it looks like this game is gone forever.

3D Realms was founded in 1987 by Scott Miller and George Broussard, and was best known for its Duke Nukem series of shooters starring the titular, bubblegum-lacking hero. The studio had infamously been working on Duke Nukem Forever, the next flagship franchise entry, for over 12 years.

As Duke Nukem used to say, “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum…and I’m all out of gum.” Well Duke, it looks as if you are out of a whole lot more than gum this time.

| Tags: 1st Person Shooter, Duke Nukem, games, Vaporware

Check out, then discuss on the forums!

| Tags: bootleg, leaked, trailer, transformers 2

After spending the last 3½ weeks leaving the Nightly.net Front Page perfectly preserved in pristine mint condition while conducting our own independent investigations, your humble Nightly News staff regrets to confirm to the best of our collective knowledge that actor and Golden Satellite Award nominee Andy Hallett is, in fact, still deceased and not returning to us anytime soon.

Your Nightly News action team — alphabetically by username being Copper, Darth Irish, Domo-Kun, D-Ray Kenobi, Dr. Ifto, Exodus, IMEricka, Jedi Apprentice, Lord Malice, lovecraftian, Mandard, Mara Jade Skywalker, NumberSix, Otanku, R.CAllen, Rock, Sephi, The Shadow, Tangent, Tank, Wally Q, and some friend of JA’s that he’s never formally introduced to the rest of us — remains alert, on call, and ready for reporting, should any rumor be received of even the remotest possibility of his resurrection, reincarnation, cloning, or evil twinning. Be sure to check out our forums for future updates as they occur! Or stop by and create your own!

| Tags: Front Page, Lorne, News, Nightly.net, sheep