You thought we were kidding about the whole “scorecard” thing. Everyone made their cracks about celebs dying in threes as if the Grim Reaper were a devout numerologist, or as if he never learned to count past three at Grim Reaper Elementary. Everyone assumed the killspree was over.

But wait. There’s more.

Infomercial emperor Billy Mays, purveyor of such life-changing inventions as OxiClean, Orange Glo, Mighty Putty, the Samurai Shark, and Kaboom (neither the cereal nor the Atari game), was pronounced dead Sunday morning in Tampa. Early unfounded speculation centers around a rough airplane landing the night before, which may or may not have facilitated a delayed traumatic reaction due to luggage concussion, vibratory disorder, or gremlin vengeance. Mainstream media have mentioned in passing — without pondering the significance — that Mays was 50…the exact same age as fellow victim Michael Jackson.

Is it all coincidence? Or something more? Or, more likely, something less? To be on the safe side, the Nightly.net staff sends its prayers and thoughts toward future potential victims including Susan Powter, Lou Diamond Phillips, and the chunky guy from Smash Mouth. Until the next incident, concoct your conspiracy theories, deliver your personal eulogies, and share your product testimonials with other members today!

(Update 7/1/2009: Unfortunately the original tribute threads have been deleted due to gross incompetence. Nightly continues to celebrate his life anyway, but really wishes Mays could offer us a problem to elinimate headaches like this.)

(Special thanks to this reporter’s son, whose encyclopedic knowledge of Mays’ resumé is frightening, if not downright suspicious…)

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